your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
