Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
