im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize