I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
