arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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