You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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