he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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