Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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