tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dear god my vagina.
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