The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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