remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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