I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
