Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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