we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
