dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
