I hate all girls vehemently.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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