I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bring me that man meat
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
