The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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