Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
