im drinking this country out of the recession.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
