GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
