Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
