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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

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• (845): View more from New York

  i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."

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• (619): View more from California

  So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss

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