U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
