I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
