My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
