Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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