can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
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fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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