Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
