As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
