have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
