He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
