I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My feet surprised me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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