she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
