Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
