remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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