so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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