he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
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Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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