i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
