shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
