Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
