You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
