You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
