remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
