She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
