That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
