Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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