I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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