Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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