I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
