I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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