this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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