I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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