i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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