My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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