You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
