Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
