I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
