dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
