i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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