you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
