I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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