Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
