I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
