stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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