just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
